LEENA KANG

After lots of prayer and counseling from my friends and family, I submitted the STSM application for 2024 shortly one hour before the deadline. To put it shortly, I had two main reasons as to why I ended up choosing missions over working in the summer. (1) I wanted to understand more of God’s heart for the unreached and (2) I wanted to personally experience God’s sovereignty over my anxieties. 

Since we spent the past two weeks constantly dancing, sweating, preparing, planning, etc., our team expected to live uncomfortably and have a jam-packed schedule of ministry every day in Ecuador. However, it happened to be the very opposite. We only had one VBS program for about four hours in the morning, and then we had the rest of the day to ourselves. I had a room to myself, we’d have free time in the middle of the day, and there were moments in the day where I would lay in bed genuinely so bored. Our schedule started to look the same every day: breakfast/quiet time, VBS, lunch, rest, prep for tomorrow’s VBS, rest/team time, dinner, team time, sleep. I remember getting worried about how little I thought we were doing, and it led me to question the fruitfulness of the entire trip. I started to fear that my prayers would not be answered, and I would come back from Ecuador the same person as before I had left. I feared that regret and disappointment would poison my heart by the end of the trip. As each day started to look fruitless and mundane, I would daydream about the day I would fly back home. 

It wasn’t until I got food poisoning– arguably one of the worst pains I have ever experienced– where all of my doubts and fears heightened: I was now deprived of the only four hours of ministry I had. After I spent the next couple of days recovering from my sickness, I continued to read God’s word, where I was humbled about this rather simple truth: I can personally experience the Lord’s love and answered prayers not only through means of serving, but through the word. In fact, Scripture should be at the forefront of any ministry that I do, and it was then when I realized how I have lost sight of the beauty and holiness of God’s perfect word. I was overwhelmed with His heart for His children, my team, and for me, and I was able to experience more of God alone in my room, doing absolutely nothing. From that point on, I wanted to continue to learn to find fullness of joy in God’s presence, and live day by day holding fast to God’s promise of deliverance. I ironically wanted to have more free time (which strangely we started to have less of) to learn more about Jesus, and slowly my love for God, Ecuador, ministry/VBS, and my team abounded to the point where I slowly stopped daydreaming about home, joyfully serving and appreciating where I was in the present. The Lord has graciously revealed to me more of His heart for Ecuador throughout our ministry, where I have been humbly overwhelmed by his vast and immeasurable love that I would not have been able to taste if I was sheltered in California. I remember spending the last night in Ecuador, able to genuinely confess that this was a precious, blessed trip that I did not regret training for. 

Being back from Ecuador, I hope to carry on the disciplines that I learned onto my everyday life back in California. I hope that I continue to trust and abide in the word and in God’s promises, holding onto gospel faithfulness in times when I don’t see any fruitfulness. Though this will be a lifelong journey, I pray that my love and awe for the Lord abounds all the more, knowing that I can delight in His presence because of the ultimate security and found in the finished work of Jesus Christ.