JOYCE LEE

The thought of going on missions had been floating around in my mind all of freshman year, but it took me until the very last day to actually apply. I was waiting for a compelling feeling or a burning passion to go, which I never really got. And so when there was a week left before the deadline, I began to doubt if it would be right for me to go. In listening to a teaching and praying over my doubts, I was reminded that we aren’t to obey or respond because of our feelings but out of an obedience to God that is founded on a loving relationship. So on the last day, I filled out the application. But, then, the second wave of fears and doubts came over me as I stared at the submit button. 

I spiraled into a questioning of my heart, my qualifications, my time, my opportunities. My, my, my, my. I kept looking towards myself, placing myself at the center. What snapped me out of it was another reminder from God, that there can be no faith where there is no fear. If I were to run away or if I only applied once I felt secure in myself, I’d be denying the opportunity God gave me to grow closer to Him—something I had been praying for all year. God guided my eyes and heart to Him by placing Him at the center. Once I surrendered my worries to God, I had the courage to finally submit to Him and my application.

God gifted me so many blessings throughout the mission trip and He surprised me with one in Bangalore: He revealed to me what hope there is for His kingdom. He did this through the students. If a student saw a member’s smile, they’d respond with one two times as bright and with eyes that beam of love. The more love the kids showed me, the more undeserving I felt. Who am I to be leading these kids, to be receiving their love? In prayer, God helped me realize that they were not responding to me, but to God. They were responding to the love God was pouring into them though us. I desperately came before God and asked for His wisdom, power, and guidance to fill what I greatly lacked in. Through this, I gained more trust in Him and experienced how loving, gentle, and powerful He is.

After spending time with the students, I realized that they have a great thirst for love, a thirst that can only be quenched by God. And if what I’ve witnessed is how they are responding to just an ounce of love that God has shown through us, how much more would they respond to the fullness of God’s love? When they accept Him as their Lord and Savior, once they have a personal loving relationship with the one true God, how faithful would they be? On this mission trip God showed me His beautiful work that has been growing for years, and God gave me a new hope for the coming generations of India in the years to come.

I leaned on this hope as we walked through the streets and alleys of Varanasi, surrounded by Hindus marching and chanting for their gods. Though Varanasi felt like a defeat, a battle that felt impossible to win, I found comfort in the fact that God has already won, that He is working in His perfect ways, and that God’s vision is infinitely greater than the borders of my imagination.

Though many of the idols in India are far more obvious than the idols many people struggle with in America, the urgency is the same. Through this trip, God revealed to me that the mission field is not just in foreign places, but also in our communities and in our personal everyday lives. He has placed a desire, hope, and excitement in my heart to make Him known and to encourage people to also be a witness of God’s character on missions.

To end, I just want to thank God for being so loving, comforting, and intentional through it all. To God be all the glory, forever and ever, amen!