SAMUEL AHN

Out of all of the goals I had set out for my sophomore year, signing up for KCM STSM to South India was definitely not one of them. All throughout the year I had promised myself that this year would be ‘the year’: the year where I would strengthen my friendships, succeed academically, and advance in my professional aspirations. What’s crazy is that I actually managed to accomplish many of these things. Despite my successes, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was just as unsatisfied and hopeless as before. 

Yet, by God’s grace, He was able to show me that Christ’s love for us is so much greater than any joy that can be provided from this world. He reminded me of His faithfulness and joy throughout my mission trip in Malawi two years prior, and on the eve of the signup deadline, God convicted me to cancel my summer plans and sign up for STSM to follow His Great Commission in hopes of rediscovering a childlike joy and wonder for His Kingdom. 

And yet out of all the myriad emotions I experienced in South India, joy was not one I experienced often. Quickly discouraged by my new environment, my heart became hardened and jaded. Despite appearing to smile during our VBS dances, skits, and discipleship ministry, I knew deep down that it was all a facade. Instead of serving God with a heart posture of joy, I did everything with a chip on my shoulder and resentment in my heart.

One day, our team was eating at a restaurant with Dr. John Chung, the head missionary and pastor who was our main point of contact while in Bangalore. In usual Missionary Chung fashion, he spontaneously asked each of us at the dinner table to share one motto or statement that we lived by. I struggled to think of an answer. At the last second, when it came around to my turn, I replied, “Rejoice in the Lord always!!” with a stupid little hand motion. 

Missionary Chung’s face lit up. He stood up and led us in a spontaneous hymn about rejoicing in the Lord always. While Missionary Chung seemed to have liked my answer, I know I didn’t. I knew I didn’t live out this truth in my daily life, and even more so during this mission trip. In fact, I felt as though I had been living the exact opposite of this ideal. I felt bitter, exhausted, envious, and most importantly, not rejoicing in the Lord in every moment. The last thing I wanted to do was to thank God for the hardships and battles I had been fighting in India.  

A few days later, Missionary Chung decided to bring us to a local group of individuals who were suffering with leprosy. Our team gathered around the leprosy-afflicted individuals, all of which were unable to stand. As we performed dances and shared food/supplies with them, we could notice that many of these individuals were missing fingers, toes, or entire limbs altogether. And yet, what stood out to me was not their bodies but their faces. Because on all of their faces I witnessed an expression of pure joy that I had never quite seen before. Many of them were clapping, singing praises, and laughing and smiling with one another. At that moment I was so moved. I felt rejoicing from a source I least expected joy to come from. It was at that moment I was reminded that rejoicing in the Lord always is not about rejoicing in the good times, but rejoicing in the Lord when there is absolutely no reason for you to be rejoicing. As I shared with my team how the leprosy ministry had personally moved me, my teammates nodded understandingly while asking if I had been moved because it was such a sad thing to witness. And while it surely was very sad, I was moved not because of how sad the moment was, but precisely the opposite - how happy the moment was. The lepers and I had absolutely nothing in common - we came from different backgrounds, cultures, and upbringings - but I felt as though I was reunited with long lost relatives, because of a shared love and overwhelming joy we both found in Jesus Christ. That day radically changed how I viewed ministry. While my inward flesh groaned, I realized that every challenge, struggle, or battle that God gave me was an opportunity for God to repurpose my weakness into His strength, and for that reason, we could rejoice in God! 

Prior to my departure, I only wanted the easiest trip possible. I only wanted to rejoice in my successes, triumphs and strengths. And yet, as I look back on my time in South India, I have begun to reflect upon the spiritual highs and lows. Truthfully, I can admit that I hold a few regrets. I wish I had more patience. I wish I gave more effort. I wish I cultivated better relationships. But the one thing that I do not regret is how God showed me how to rejoice - not just in the good times, but especially the bad times. 

As one of Missionary Chung’s hymns reminded me, the greatest joy in all my life is not the blessings I receive from serving Him, but serving Him in and of itself. For this reason, we can rejoice always, knowing that God’s presence draws near to us and provides us with an unmistakable joy!