As someone who’d never felt any personal conviction to go on missions in the past, I was surprised by how nervous I felt during the presentation for Cambodia at my campus MRN (Missions Rally Night), as if I would be going there next. A big theme and desire throughout my senior year had been obedience to God, so I began to pray about what He asked of me and how I could be a faithful servant. He continued to place the country of Cambodia on my heart – a mission opportunity only available to me through KCM STSM – which led me to submit my application in hesitant obedience. While I continued to wrestle with doubt and fear, God’s plans for me were confirmed when I was placed on the Cambodia team.

My nerves grew as our preparation and training for the trip made everything more real, and I often felt more fear than genuine excitement and desire to go. A week before our departure, I was reminded and comforted by the armor of God (Ephesians 6:11-18), which would soon become a big theme for me. Arriving in Cambodia, I was immediately humbled. The heat and humidity weren’t easy, but it quickly became the last of my worries as I began to feel plagued by homesickness, anxiety, and doubt. Though my convictions leading up to the trip were so clear, I began to feel less confident that this was where God truly wanted me. Despite my normal tendencies to put up walls and keep my burdens to myself, I found myself being surprisingly vulnerable with my team about the struggles I had been facing. However, it wasn’t until our time at TIM School that I realized how much I had been trying to rely on myself. For one of the VBS sessions that week, I had prepared to give a lesson on the armor of God and lead a craft on the shield of faith. The main verse was Ephesians 6:16, “In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one.” As I shared this, it dawned on me how little I could relate to the words coming out of my own mouth. Despite my vulnerability and honesty with my team, God, and myself, I hadn’t been feeling much relief from my struggles because I wasn’t putting my faith in God, but rather in my own mind-over-matter mindset. This message that was intended for kids was such a simple yet important reminder for me to take up my own shield of faith and fully depend on the Lord for my strength. I cherished the privilege I was given to help lead VBS, but what a blessing it was to be able to receive assurance from God even as I led a children’s craft.

Another blessing was being able to witness how much the people of Cambodia love each other and their country, and how much He loves Cambodia. Whether it was through the hospitality of the Precious Women staff, the home-cooked meals provided by Missionary Stanley’s wife (Grace Samonim), or the ITCS students’ eagerness to become friends with us, the love we received from the locals felt unlimited. It quickly became evident to me that God was so present in their lives and His love for them naturally overflowed into the people around them. Even though I’m so incapable of pouring out this kind of love in my own capacity, I truly felt like I had so much love to give when I stepped back and let God work through me. The ease and joy of building these new relationships only further revealed how much love God has for Cambodia.

My month in Cambodia wasn’t without its challenges, but it taught me invaluable lessons and gave me the privilege of being a firsthand witness to how God is working outside of my own SoCal bubble. In all my inadequacy and struggle, He continued to remind me that I simply needed to lean on Him. I’m so grateful for how the Lord softened my heart for missions and I seek to boldly live out my faith now that I am back in California. Coming back from this trip, I desire to pursue my missional purpose and find my strength solely in the Lord’s countless blessings, not in my own limited ability. In all things, I will take up my shield of faith and depend on God to work through me, in me, and around me.