Ever since third grade, my heart and practice of going on short-term missions has grown until the present day. Although I had the privilege of participating in short-term global missions annually, there was a pause during the surge of COVID-19 and an intentional “break” my junior year of college. I found that year to be a valuable time of pruning, self-discovery, and growing in intimacy with the Lord through my wilderness season. 

It wasn’t until the Wintercon of my senior year that I was able to receive the call to go on STSM with KCM. During this altar call, God spoke clearly about two things: 1)The nation He placed on my heart was Cambodia, upon remembering a Pepperdine alumni’s testimony 2)My life would not be the same after the STSM process. 

Truly, God has been faithful to bring to light all of the things that He has called me to. I was able to go to Cambodia and I can confidently say that I am not the same person that I was before. Although the calling was clear, it was difficult for me to be confident in the way that He would sustain me and be faithful to His promises. I had to learn to trust God in moments when my acceptance to go on STSM was still uncertain, when I would be triggered by depictions of my past struggles in each skit, when I lost my voice the morning of Commissioning Service, when I was entrusted with the role of student leader, and when I was given the opportunity to share about education/biblical wisdom with my limited experience and qualifications. My flesh and faith were so weak, yet God was faithful and gracious to show me that it was not by my own works and abilities that His will would be done. 

Above all, I learned that God is a good Father who hears me and has heard me through it all. The day I started the workbook, “Experiencing God,” I journaled five prayer requests that I would be committed to throughout the whole STSM process. Looking back, God was faithful to answer every single one of those prayers. But what I didn’t realize was that He was answering a prayer that I had prayed relentlessly for years about delivering me from my wilderness season that was largely made up of clinical depression and wrestling with the Lord. 

Throughout the month in Cambodia, God was walking me through what it meant to “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, [and] give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Not only did He deliver me from years of darkness, but the Lord was patient and intentional to show me what it meant to choose joy daily. I was constantly met face-to-face with my own insecurities, expectations, frustrations, failures, and shortcomings, especially as I served as a student leader in Cambodia. But these moments were all opportunities to come to the Lord in prayer just as I was. Again and again, my strength would be renewed and the moments and days moving forward would be filled with joyous noise and jumping up and down with all that I had within me. Every time, God would show up in overwhelming ways that I could not help but to give thanks.

Ultimately, my joy deepened as my understanding and adoration for the Gospel grew. In our days of VBS ministry, we were able to share with the children various characteristics of God as we taught them classic Bible stories. We proclaimed together that, “God rescues! God provides! God cares for us! God saved us! God loves us!” There was a newfound urgency for each child to experience God and for us to do well in planting each seed. But I soon realized that these were things that I also needed reminding of. There was a day at Tim’s School that my mind was overrun with negative thoughts about my abilities and the limitations that my mental health presents. But as we were singing and dancing to “My God,” God gently reminded me through the lyrics that He really is so big, so strong, and so mighty and that “there is nothing that my God cannot do!” God fortified who He was and who I am in Christ through every dance that we performed, every skit that we presented, every song that we sang, every Bible story that we shared, and every phrase that we declared. My prayer and desire for the Gospel to become more real to me was answered in abundance. 

As I have spent time processing and returning to the life I left at home, I am met with the reality that my flesh is so weak. Just like choosing joy, the decision to follow Christ through the mundane must also be made daily. But it really is only by the strength of the Lord that I am able to follow Him, obey Him, and plant seeds in those around me at home. It is with great joy that I can say that “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:12-13). But God is not finished with me yet, so I am excited to see how God continues to carry me through the hills and valleys as I hold fast to Him and Him alone.