Coming into college, I honestly had no intention to go on missions. The desire to know who God really is and to see how He moves around the world was there, but giving up a whole month during the summer didn’t seem ideal since I was looking to take summer classes, get an internship, and couldn’t imagine being so far from the comforts of home. At the end of the day, those were just excuses and me simply disobeying God’s calling. Throughout my first year of college, I felt a subtle tug on my heart and became curious about missions. I tried to brush it off, but there wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think about it. A lot of things were unclear at the time, but I decided to blindly sign up for STSM after attending Kingdom Come. It felt impulsive at first and I wasn’t sure if I had made the right decision, but I knew that there was no punishment in obeying God.

As training went by, I was doubtful of how God could use me in North India. I felt unworthy and unqualified to carry out missionary work, but He humbled me by showing that I truly have nothing to offer, and that everything I have comes from Him. Every little thing that I did throughout this trip was through a new intentionality that God placed in my heart. I wanted to pour out everything that I could onto His people and come to know them even with the short amount of time that we had. Whether it was through the skits and dances that our team prepared, I was able to see that even the small things reached the hearts of many and I saw how much God loved His children. In the town of Jaigaon, I was blessed to hear the testimonies of those attending the youth camp we served at and even the pastors that were there. God had moved so greatly in their lives and I would’ve never imagined that I’d be able to hear such stories from across the world. He truly can do wonders, from healing a bedridden daughter to saving another that wanted to take their own life due to unfortunate living circumstances, and ultimately bringing them back to Him. I was truly blessed in realizing that He placed me here for a reason and that I should have no fear in the Lord’s plan and whether or not He can use me. I was reminded of the purpose of me coming on this trip, and it was solely for God’s glory. 

God has also shown me how great and faithful He truly is even in brokenness. During our last week, we traveled to the city of Varanasi, and this city was broken in several aspects. They had temples, statues, and paintings of the deities that they worship around almost every corner.  Our team also visited the Ganges River, where cremated remains are placed and where people bathe, as it’s considered sacred. During this time, I had so many questions and doubts as to how things could’ve come to this. The grasp of the devil was so strong and it was undeniable that these people needed saving. The question arose, ‘Is it really possible for this many people to be saved when they so strongly believe in these false idols?’ Even though the situation seemed so helpless, I was reminded that God has the power to do anything. Although this city may be broken, I came to realize that in His timing His children will be brought back to Him and that He will be even more glorified when that time comes.

The Lord has given me a new understanding of who He is, how He loves, and how I can live my life with purpose. The joy that I was able to experience while in North India didn’t come from having different living circumstances or being with different people, but it came from the unity we had as the body of Christ. As I return home, I want to fill my life as well as those around me with the joy and love the Lord has given me. I hope to continue living out a missionary life everyday, everywhere I walk, in every conversation I have, and to be a living testament to God’s goodness.