Jean Lee
When the promotions for STSM began this year, I brushed past them because I hadn’t intended to consider going from the beginning. I expected no chance of changing my mind because logistically it was much easier for me to return to the East Coast to serve God through missions with my home church. The time came for the STSM application to open, but where I had anticipated no interest I found myself hearing God challenging me to step outside my comfort zone of solely sharing His love with the people I was comfortable with. The more I sought God’s counsel the more I found that He wanted to show me how pleased He is when His children faithfully serve Him. I wasn’t entirely sure what that would look like, but I decided to apply to STSM as an act of blind obedience.
Until we left I struggled with social anxiety and I was afraid this would impact my ability to surrender myself to God in ministry, nervously praying in the moments leading up to our arrival that He would not allow me to forget why I was there. I came to Nicaragua fully prepared to struggle with many fears and grow weary serving because I didn’t consider myself to possess the qualities necessary to succeed as a missionary. To my surprise, ministry was a joy-filled time that I rarely tired of. All I could see was how deeply God loves His children and how wonderful it was to have the opportunity to share that truth with them. The only thought that beat in my heart when I was with them was, “This is what God’s love feels like.” The Nicaraguans we met greeted us with Christ’s love — kids would run into my arms for hugs on our first encounter and adults would greet me saying, “Dios le bendiga” (God bless you) with a warm handshake or hug even though I lacked the Spanish to respond. The only thing I could do then was to reciprocally overflow in God’s love for them through our ministry. I had come determined to do everything perfectly but instead learned how God delights in simply coming to His feet. He taught me again that I can perform perfectly and say all the right things, but if I serve without the love that is in Christ it means nothing (1 Corinth. 13:1-3).
I also discovered how much joy simple obedience to God yields. Our team was given the opportunity to go on a mission trip to the island Ometepe with 7 students from the senior class of Korean Christian Academy, a private school that the Nicaraguan missionaries run. We were told that for many of these seniors this trip would be the last Christian exposure many of them have. One morning when we were given the rare occasion to have personal devotional time, I felt that this was an opportunity to share how wonderful a life centered on the Gospel could be and built up the courage to invite one of the seniors to join me. He agreed readily, and out of nowhere, another senior brought a chair up too. The time we spent together reading and talking was only 15 minutes, but in that time I caught a glimpse of how dearly God cherishes their hearts. Though I fell short of wanting to deeply know and love them, I saw how God’s desire to know and be known by these boys is perfect and He was able to use me to be a channel of that love. I was shocked at the blessing I was able to receive when I submitted myself to such a simple call!
The more we served in Nicaragua the more I began to realize that evangelism and ministry don’t always need to be a huge demonstration of faith like evangelizing to strangers as I imagined. There was a sermon our team listened to that preached our life as the first Gospel non-believers read and this marked my entire month in Nicaragua. I realized that going on a mission trip wasn’t the end-all be-all act of obedience to God’s voice manifested in the time that we spent performing skits, making crafts, or serving food. It was also in the time between when we could relax but chose to listen to what God wanted us to do even then. I could easily find self-gratifying rest in between ministry and there were many moments when I did, but it was just as wonderful to dance with children at the church plants after service, talk with the seniors from the Christian school on the bus, or even ask the missionaries about their history in Nicaragua during meals, though these were all things that I’d hesitate to do at home because of how it would cost me my pride and energy or require me to face my fears.
The joy that came from life in Nicaragua was not because of a drastic difference in lifestyle, but a difference in the source of life. As I return to school and home I want to fill my life with the same joy by becoming a living testimony of the goodness of God in the ways I prioritize Him in my conversations and serve others in love just as Jesus served the Nicaraguans through my team this summer. May the person God shaped me to be in Nicaragua grow in Christ so that everyone I meet can witness the Gospel!
