Joshua Han

This summer I was blessed with the opportunity to go on STSM (short-term summer missions) for a month to Nicaragua through KCM. Up until my decision to go during this past school year, my relationship with God and my life in general was definitely different. As someone who called themself Christian, my faith was truly the definition of lukewarm, and I had an evidently hardened heart towards God. Essentially, the truths I thought I believed in my heart were so vastly different from the ways I chose to live my life. To be honest though, I never really saw it as THAT bad because I would always be forgiven by the grace given to me through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. At some point during this past school year however, I began to wonder if I was a true Christian if I lived so selfishly and didn’t even have a real or intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father. I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t a devoted follower of Christ and I had been living in both distance and disobedience to God. This is not to say that God was not working in my life to this point - I was simply ignoring Him. God was placing these thoughts and realizations in me for a reason; and he wanted me to draw near to Him. When it came time for STSM signups, I again wanted to be disobedient out of my fears and desire to avoid suffering. But as God calls every one of His followers to obey the Great Commission, I knew it was wrong to push away these thoughts God was giving me. After a lot of prayer I decided that I would commit this summer to serving God in humble obedience to Him. Fast forward to my time in Nicaragua, one of my biggest takeaways was that by joining Him in His work to spread the Gospel, I was truly able to experience Him in the fullness of His glory and through this, my heart was softened. God poured out so many undeserved blessings onto me and there were countless times where I was able to see God working so clearly and mightily. One specific instance of this was at the end of our first VBS at the main school, called KCA, when we were able to pray for the kids in our English camp groups. I was with a group of boys from 4th-6th grade, and all I could think was “how am I going to understand these kids' prayer requests, much less get them to pay attention to me as I’m praying in English?” Luckily there was an older student there to help translate their prayer requests for me, and there was one kid named Mateo that stuck out because he didn’t want to say his out loud, so he whispered it into our ears. I found out all he said was that he missed his dad because he had passed away about a year ago. In that moment God broke my heart for these kids but he also softened and grew it, and I knew that they needed the love of God in their lives. As I prayed in English, I looked up to remember each kid and their prayer requests and I saw all of them so focused, holding hands, even though they could not understand what I was saying. They all understood the power of prayer, and I saw first hand how God’s power and love transcended any language or culture. I also felt the generosity of God and how gracious He was to bless me with the opportunity to intercede for these children, despite how unworthy I was. Emotions were at a high and my heart was so full; all I could do after was to remain in awe of God and His perfect character. There were so many more moments of undeserved blessings and being humbled by God’s greatness, and I can confidently say that I am walking away from Nicaragua with such a bigger image of God and a passion to seek after Him in all aspects of my life, continuing to learn what it means to surrender everything to Him and be bold in my faith. Another big lesson was learning how to build intentional and loving relationships with those around me. Being with the same 16 people for 30 days, I was bound to get close to my team, but it was definitely a struggle at times. A lot of my relationships back at home were built on having similar interests or simply getting along with others, but this trip forced me to go deeper with each person on my team. I was able to understand that we were more than just friends; that we are brothers and sisters in Christ and we are connected by the joy that we share in our salvation. In times of difficulty, I learned how to love my teammates, share burdens and struggles together, and continue to lift each other up and encourage one another. How valuable it was to have a community around me that I could rely on for support but to also be challenged as we strive toward the goal of becoming closer to God. I also saw how I could be an example of Christ’s love for those around me who don’t yet know Him. Through my actions, not only can I glorify God so much more, but I can look for opportunities to be used by Him as a light to those around me, especially nonbelievers. Reflecting on my time in Nicaragua, I can’t help but have feelings of gratitude - not only for being able to know such an awesome God but also for Him allowing me to have such a blessed experience. As I come back to life at home with a desire to know God more, I continue to pray that God will use me to show His love in all my relationships, and ultimately I will live my life in humble submission to Him.