Kelly Lee

Throughout my time in college, God has been so faithful and kind towards me, especially with the challenges that I have faced. As my time in college was coming to an end, I wanted to learn more about who God is on a deeper and bigger scale, especially in the context of missions or nations I had no knowledge about. With this, going on STSM with KCM was one of the only few outlets where the opportunity to go on missions was offered to me.

However, I struggled at the beginning of training worrying about what I would miss out on at home and the logistics of what I needed to take care of, especially regarding my personal finances and career path. With these worries, it bled into worrying about my competence, abilities, and what I could offer to my team. Due to this, I noticed myself doing things to please those around me, forgetting who my audience was and what my purpose was. It affected my judgment and I felt lost in trying to do things with my strength and leaning on my understanding, which was due to my lack of faith and trust in God. As I noticed this, one prayer of mine during training and in Nicaragua was to have clear opportunities where I can do nothing but trust God and lean on Him instead of my own abilities.

The concept of trusting in the Lord was evident during my time in Nicaragua, specifically in my role as VBS ministry lead. VBS was one of our major ministries and so preparing the nitty gritty with crafts, organizing the schedule, and leading my team during ministry ultimately led to a lot of pressure and expectations I had placed on myself. Deep down I already knew it was not going to be perfect, but I placed an expectation that it should be “good,” whether it was fun for the kids, manageable for the team and my leaders, and peaceful for the missionaries. This ultimately led to a lot of anxiety. I focused on what I could do better and offer to those around me. Consequently, it prevented me from being intentional and present with the kids when doing ministry because I was so hyper-fixated on what was next. With this, I learned very early on during the trip about my shortcomings of wanting to “do more” and leaning on my own abilities and knowledge, which caused me to lose sight of what God was doing and trusting Him to do the work. 

It wasn't until our team went to La Amancia, which was one of the church plants that was three hours away from our home base, that we realized that we brought the wrong bag. This meant that we could not do the crafts we originally prepared and everything we already planned had to be changed. Instead of spiraling into anxiety, I realized that it was a clear opportunity where I had to practically trust God to sustain us and work with what we had. Not only to trust God, but it was also a time that I had to trust my team and my leaders. 

We ultimately had to make use of what we brought and ultimately change much of what was planned and discussed. Despite our mistakes, the kids were filled with so much joy to simply dance or play games with us. They were laughing with us and smiling at us throughout our time there at La Amancia. It truly wasn’t something we said to them or did for them, but they were so willing to welcome us and be present with us. This would have been something that I missed had I been so focused on what was next on the schedule or focused on what we had to do more of. I would have missed out on learning what it means to be joyful and to serve with joy. Importantly, I would have missed out on learning what God was going to reveal to me, how He works, and trusting Him to do the work for His plan is sovereign and greater than I could possibly think or imagine. 

Furthermore, I learned so much joy in praising God throughout my time in Nicaragua, especially with body worship and performing the dances for the locals. Many of the VBS songs we sang were about trusting God and His power. Whether it was witnessing my teammates lead body worship or doing body worship with the kids, I learned the simple words we sang meant so much to me and that God is to be praised. He is the one who sustains me and He was the only one I needed. Additionally, dancing to Familia and Praise was a blessing in disguise. To be transparent, I was very embarrassed when learning these songs during training and many times I didn’t want to dance. However, as we performed the songs, I felt so much joy to praise God who dearly loves and cares for His people. I ultimately was grateful for the moments I could be simply present with Him and share this joy with the locals.  

Now that I am back home, I realize how many distractions there are and external factors that I have to consider compared to when I was in Nicaragua. I am learning what it means to trust God and His plan for me amid the new experiences and challenges I will face as a post-grad --- slowly but surely. I hope to not lose sight of what I have learned in Nicaragua and that I may continue to learn what it means to be joyful in the simplicity of praising God despite whatever condition I am in and wherever I go.