JAMIE AN

Throughout the years of my involvement in KCM, STSM was never something that I thought I would take part in, and though I had always been eager to send, I did not have a desire to go. I was satisfied in my decision to simply support my fellow brothers and sisters in their acceptance of the Lord’s invitation, until my senior year when I was able to finally recognize my subconscious disobedience from the past four years, and finally say yes to going on missions. My eventual decision to take part in STSM this year was a slow, refining process that ultimately brought me closer to the Father and transformed my heart and desire for missions. 

In preparation/training to go on missions, I constantly spent intentional time with God through my personal devotionals. As I was going through the book of Isaiah, I came across the passage in chapter six where Isaiah experiences the joy of having his sin atoned for and his guilt taken away, and then shortly after receives a commission from the Lord. In this moment Isaiah did not hesitate, react in fear/doubt, or question God, but responded with the words, “Here I am! Send me.” (Isaiah 6:8b). This passage resonated with me strongly, as it was a reminder of the joy I have in looking to the cross, and the attitude I yearned to embody towards God and His calling for me to witness His mightiness in the nations. 

In reflection of this mission trip to South India, every moment was extremely formative, with a prominent personal theme being the power of prayer. Our month in South India consisted of about three weeks of ministry and two weeks of travel, and in both settings I had very personal encounters with the Lord through prayer. The majority of the ministry we did in South India was discipleship and VBS which include performance dances, interactive body worship, skits, and crafts. Our team always ended the crafts portion of the VBS with prayer, making sure to individually pray for the students in our craft groups by name. At times, this task seemed daunting, as we would have large groups of students with limited amounts of time who all required our help and attention. During one of our first VBS sessions, I was starting to feel overwhelmed in helping the 15 elementary students in my group with one glue bottle and a handful of tissue paper, and when our leaders called out “make sure to pray for your students!” I slightly panicked. I heard echoes of the students calling out to me saying, “Akka! Gum here please!” or “Older sister! Glue here please!” In this panic, I silently cried out to the Lord asking for His guidance, surrendering my earthly frustrations, and asking Him to speak through me as I prayed over the students.

In my walk with God, prayer was always something that I struggled with. Growing up in a less expressive, rigid church culture, I was always concerned with and nervous about the “correctness” of my words in corporate prayer. However, throughout college I have been slowly but surely unlearning and relearning about the ways that God works through prayer, consistently meeting Him in the secret place, and experiencing Him daily. In my gradual surrender to the Lord, prayer has become a primary mode of worship, where I am able to go to God as Father, as Lord, and as a comforting ever-present help in trouble. With this in mind, I started to pray for the children, and although I barely knew them I was able to confidently pray very specific prayers over their futures, families, etc. I understood that these words were not mine, but that it was God speaking through me to bless His children in India. 

This experience became very common throughout the rest of ministry. As I continually surrendered my doubts and shortcomings to the Lord, He continued to speak through me in ways that I never thought were possible. Throughout our discipleship ministry, train/plane rides, and the rest of our VBS crafts sessions, God continued to open doors for me to share the gospel and personally pray for locals. Prayer is so powerful, and now that I am back home with a physical barrier from the people we ministered to in South India, there is nothing I can do except lift each and every one of them up in prayer. As I reflect on the brokenness and helplessness that I both encountered and personally experienced, I am able to find peace and joy in the fact that the Spirit of the one true God dwells within me, and that I can always turn to Him in prayer.

I come away from this experience with a heart full of gratitude, in awe of the Father’s love for His people. Every frustration or helplessness I felt during the trip turned into moments of encouragement, as I realized that God’s work is not done, and therefore I am not done taking part in His will. The nations are His, the people are His, this ministry and mission trip are His, and I am His. There is so much comfort in knowing that we can surrender ourselves, our worries, and desires all to a good and perfect God, Creator of the universe. Understanding that submission and obedience are not oppressive, but rather beautiful and perfect when done in response to our holy God, carried me through the month and continues to comfort me in my walk with Him back home. My prayer is that my soul would continue to thirst for God, and that my flesh would faint for Him, for His steadfast love is better than life (Psalm 63). What a joy it is to be in utter surrenderance to a perfect, loving Father! Praise the Lord !