Senior | Pepperdine

Saying “yes” to STSM initially felt easy for me. I wanted to act in obedience to God, and so when I felt called to missions, I thought by saying “yes,” my heart would follow suit. However, throughout the rest of the school year and the beginning of training, I greatly struggled with feeling unenthusiastic, inwardly closed off toward my team, and reluctant to jump into missions while honestly feeling like I had given so much of myself to serve in KCM throughout the year. I asked people to pray for me that God would grow my excitement to go, because I couldn’t muster the energy to continue on my own. 

At one training, I came face-to-face with my self-centeredness and inward grumbling, and I broke down when I realized that I had come before God with so much pride—secretly believing that I had given enough and complaining in my heart that He was asking for more. But God began meeting me week by week and humbling me, and He grew my heart to go, challenging me to be joyful in obedience. My personal commitment to STSM became to serve wherever I was asked to joyfully, remembering how God had been faithful to me. 

Following this, my actual time in Nicaragua was full of blessings. I feel that I had a unique experience on this trip because of how restful it was for me. While it was physically exhausting at times—for the first couple weeks, my throat was hoarse from VBS, and I don’t think I’ve ever sweat more in my life—I felt so blessed to go to sleep each night physically tired but mentally, emotionally, spiritually filled. I found my experiences summed up in part of a passage we meditated on as a team (Psalm 23:3): “He restores my soul…” 

I felt so much joy participating in presentation ministry and VBS/English camp (the types of activities I associated with missions), but I think the most unexpected and impactful part of the month for me was relational ministry. Being able to use my Spanish was a blessing; I spent every moment I could talking to locals and kids, from kindergarten to eleventh grade. I especially grew to love the jóvenes, a sort of youth group at our church base who serve and work with the missionaries. They are a diverse group of personalities – some are full of energy and sass; others are very serious and mature. Many of them are young, starting at 14 years old, and a few are older, college age. We took a trip to Matagalpa with the jóvenes for a week to do VBS at a church, and one night after we returned from serving, I had the chance to sit in on their joint “Bible Time.” I was surprised to hear some of the quieter members openly share their insight from their passage in Joshua. The moment felt so special to me because as they shared and bickered and laughed with one another, I caught a glimpse of how precious they were in God’s eyes and saw Him raising up young leaders in the church. With the rest of the time we had together, I was able to hear testimonies of how some of them had met Christ, how they had been impacted by the missionaries, how they felt about serving, and their relationships with their family and friends. I was encouraged to hear them speak of the long-term missionaries – a girl told me about how one of the missionaries had gained her trust over time by being there for her in good and bad times, and we talked about how you could really see Jesus in her heart.

Another moment I will not forget is when we got to stay at church leaders’ homes for several days. Two of us stayed with the praise leaders, and we talked so much with the parents about faith, Nicaraguan culture, church, and most of all their hopes and fears for their three daughters growing up. They spoke of their admiration for the missionaries we were with, and shared about their impact on the area over the years. We spent those days simply spending time with their girls, having fun dancing, playing games, and exploring the neighborhood. We were so blessed and served by this family who opened their home to us. But when we left, the parents repeatedly thanked us for being a good example for their girls. I was amazed because it didn’t feel like we had done much ministry, but in that short time God grew my heart for Nicaragua through the love and burden that these parents had for their daughters. 

My interactions with the locals helped me appreciate the work the long-term missionaries have been faithfully doing, and I felt so privileged to be there to support them even for a short time. I was inspired by their long-term obedience and their deep love for the people that could only come from God. We learned and saw a lot first-hand about the broken family systems and Nicaraguan culture over the course of the month, but the missionaries impressed on us to never pity people for their circumstances, rather only if they do not know Christ. This burden for the lost has been a reminder for me as I return to my life back at home and look toward post-grad life. Despite not having a set plan for the future, I do have renewed conviction to seek after God in obedience, and excitement for the next assignment that He is equipping me for, whatever it may be. Gloria a Dios!