Sophomore | UCR

Many Christians often question, “How can I discern if it is God's will for me to take this action”? This question was especially important and of a concern shared by fellow STSM goers, including myself. I’ve often feared that I was just going on this trip despite it not being God’s will and that this trip would be a fruitless waste of time. Even so, I wanted to learn more about the missions so I went to MRN. Through MRN, we learned about senders vs goers and how God will stop you if that’s God’s will. I started to pray and look around me for answers.

As if God prepared, my Sunday sermons started to be about spreading the gospel and being the light of the world. Being the light of the world means using my circumstances as an opportunity to shine God’s light. The circumstances which in my mind were the opportunity provided by STSM. But to have greater clarity, I also sought after answers in the elementary ministry in which I serve. Sure enough, similar messages were shared during sermons and during Bible study time after service. I remember in one of the Bible studies, the 3rd-grade teacher asked the class, “How can we spread the gospel to our friends?” It was as if God wanted me to think of how I could spread the gospel. I decided to sign up for STSM and soon after, the training started. During the mission training, we were given memory verses and I was surprised at one of them. The 7th memory verse, “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him Hebrews 6:11” was a memory verse that the elementary department held for at least a month. It seemed as though God was asking me to have faith and not seek so much clarity. Indeed, I was struggling with having more faith in God. 

Throughout my time in Nicaragua, there were many instances where I felt insufficient and that I wasted my time. These were the times when I tried to do things on my own and it didn’t go as I hoped. In times like these, I would think back to what was shared during training, that STSM truly is a short-term mission and that we are more likely to see none of our work bear fruits. Once again, I was having trouble with having faith in God. This time it was more clear, that my lack of faith came from the fact that I relied on myself too much; I had an issue of pride which caused me to get discouraged. During our time in Nicaragua, I was once told that even if we don’t see fruits bear, we should have faith that God will make use of what we have done. As I worked towards having this mindset, I began to feel more encouraged and confident for all that I’ve done there. Now, of course, I wasn’t able to just adopt this new mindset. I had to remind myself plenty of times to truly apply what I learned to my life. After a month, however, I had faith that my contribution to Nicaragua would eventually bear fruit and that God would use what I did in a great way as this is about what God does through me, not what I do. Such a mindset, a humble mindset is what I seek to apply in my daily life back home. 

Back at home, I will remind myself that no matter what happens, as long as God wills, a great result will occur sooner or later. I will also try to remember that although we don’t always see everything, through faith in God, we can find comfort and push through whether that is in knowing what to do or knowing that what I already did will be fruitful in time.