8 years ago, I went on a mission trip to India with my home church. The trip was a blessing and it solidified my belief and trust in God as my almighty Father. However, it was this very trip that my heart became closed off and hardened to go on missions again. Mainly because of the time spent in training and preparation of training, I remember not wanting to go through the effort and sacrifice to go on another mission. I began to lie to myself. I told myself that God took away my heart for missions, and instead gave me a heart to spread the gospel to my non-Christian friends around me. I carried this self proclaimed assignment for the next few years. Throughout high school I never gave missions another thought and immediately opted to say no whenever an opportunity would come. This persisted even through college. When I joined KCM in freshman year, I heard about STSM for the first time. Naturally, my heart was hardened towards it, and I said no without giving it a single thought. In my sophomore year, I joined the servant team at UCR KCM. The idea of STSM became a little more emphasized and encouraged but my heart was still hardened. However, it was this year that many of the sophomore class signed up to go. I was not one of them. My excuse was that I had to work and attend a church back at home that summer. While this was true, it could have easily been classified as a lower priority if I had to go on missions. 

Not long after, the STSM team of 2023-24 returned. When they came back and shared their excitement about how amazing STSM was my heart grew even more hardened. My mind and heart subconsciously searched for reasons and faults of STSM. As they shared their testimonies, the only take away that I heard was that STSM was a KCM social club propaganda event. The STSMers spoke highly of their excitement to reconnect with their teammates, and how they miss them, or they can't wait to see them at federal events. To me, it sounded like a way to get "KCM Clout". Due to this, I lived on as STSM's biggest hater. All throughout my junior year, I was stone cold set on never going. Whenever I was asked about STSM, I would be hesitant to answer and made it very clear that I didn't want to go. I avoided all the "promotional events" like MRN and Winter Con. I even heavily considered not attending Kingdom Come, a big KCM federal event. However, I ended up attending anyway. 

Coming to Kingdom Come, my heart was still set on leaving unchanged. However, it was throughout this night that my heart was moved. Entering into the night in worship and prayer, I felt the presence of God and the Holy Spirit. But it wasn't until Pastor Richard delivered his message, that my heart truly began to change. The message was about the cost of disobedience, and how our call as Christians is to say yes to missions. The message felt so tailored and tuned to speak directly to me. I couldn't help but feel that God was trying to speak to me. As we entered a time of response and worship. I began to pray and ask God, "God, if you really want me to go, then say so." Never before have I heard such an instant and absolute "Yes" from Him. It was almost audible to my ears. I spent the rest of that night praying and trying to figure out which country to sign up for. Because... I was a little scared of returning to India. God really has a sense of humor. 

After years of running away and disobeying God. He called me to return and be obedient through one of the most rigorous and demanding mission programs that I've ever heard or seen. Despite the difficulties, I found myself experiencing exponential growth in character, faith and my relationship with God. Every single week of training carried a new lesson, a new challenge for me to adopt into my Christian life. I remember telling some of my teammates and leaders that the growth I experienced through STSM so far, even though we haven't even gone on the trip yet, was enough for me to be satisfied with STSM. I have never experienced so much growth, so quickly and so intimately with God. The discipline, desire and hunger for God that I received was my greatest reward. I developed such a reliance on God, and I came to find true delight in being with Him.