I decided to go on missions after a year of thinking about why missions is important and if it truly has an impact. Before committing to STSM, I struggled with the concept of predestination. I concluded that there is no point in me going on short term missions if God has already predetermined the fate of everyone’s salvation. My heart was hardened and I felt even more undeserving to go on missions. I didn’t think God could use someone like me who isn’t blessed with dancing, stage presence, musical talents, or acting; They were the skills I thought I should develop to be useful on the field. However, through Wintercon, God encountered me and renewed my mind and heart through the past STSMers that I met there as they gently rebuked me about how it is a privilege to be a fool for God. Yes, God doesn’t need humans to do Kingdom work, but wants to partner with us despite our shortcomings. He is a God who wants to share His holiness and sees value in my brokenness. Fueled by testimonies and this new revelation of how loving God is, I wanted to dedicate my 20s to the Lord and join in the work people said He is doing in the nations. I was doubtful and still scared, but decided to just do it and trust that God's hand had me covered.

Taiwan was so hard because I couldn’t escape thinking about my future back home. There was never a day I didn’t think about my UCR outreach, as future Core, and my calling for this life. Understanding that Taiwan would remind me of home often, I was attracted to it because of how applicable I felt it would be to my life. My assumptions were correct and were the epitome of why this trip was so hard but good. I couldn’t escape reality. However, through the triggers and worries, I was able to desperately cling to God every day and truly seek His presence through these trials. So when it came to moments where it triggered past hurts of being a pastor’s kid myself because of the missionary kids I encountered or felt an overwhelming amount of apathy when I went campus outreaching, I was refined and reminded of God’s goodness through the Gospel. Slowly, I started to see how much Taiwan needed it too.  

Other than God speaking to me through outreach and relational ministry. God revealed and placed in me a heart for the children, specifically missionary and pastor’s kids. Growing up, I tried to push away my experiences because of how painful and shameful it is to me. However, God revealed to me how He intends to use my weaknesses for His Kingdom and gave it purpose. I knew these things before, but through this trip, God revealed to me that He doesn’t want to just use my experiences for His ministry, but also will heal me by medicating me with the Gospel. In all my encounters with God on this trip, it was always done with so much gentleness and love. In Experiencing God, we learn that we encounter and get to know God by name, and for me I was able to name God as a very personal and relational God. 

Pastor Peter, our missionary contact, exemplified a glimpse of what a gospel-centered life looks like. It isn’t about just remembering that one time or the first time God radically encountered me, but never “forgetting the cross” also looked like using the Gospel as a tool and resource meant to be used every day to truly nail my burdens and sins on the cross. In that way, I have a testimony every day of how sweet the gospel is and truly revolve my life around this good news. 

God cares so much about the people in Taiwan that He sent me there to be a source of laughter and comfort to some children there, and because God is so personal with me He also sent me there to receive wisdom and comfort from Pastor Peter. And that is the beauty of obedience. Truly, saying “Yes” allowed me to be a blessing and be blessed. 

His love and grace are so sufficient to help me live a life for Him. It will start by having difficult conversations that I’ve avoided and applying everything I learned on this trip, especially what it means to live a Gospel-centered life, to my Outreach committee and myself. I plan to implement prayer walks to UCR KCM and do random evangelizing by myself more often. Ultimately, I am honored to have partnered with Him this summer to do Kingdom work and plan to continue doing so for the rest of my life.