To be completely straightforward, I never wanted to go on missions; the idea of comfort and laziness sounded so much better than serving the Lord. However, the conviction to go and experience God’s works in the world was always lingering in my mind. My first ever encounter that involved the idea of missions was at wintercon during my sophomore year. There was an altar call for those who felt like God was calling them for STSM, so I went up with the help of a couple brothers praying for me during that moment. With this event being so impactful, my heart was still not in the right place when the time to sign up for missions came by. I was clouded with fear and doubt about not only myself but as well as my own faith. Despite serving KCM and my church’s college group, my mind and heart was not in a serving manner for the most part. The world is a strong and evil thing, with constant sin that continues to plague my mind with things that try to pull me away from living a life full of Christ. I was also scared. Scared to let go of worldly desires that I thought would be so much more fulfilling than being in God’s presence. The time that STSM applications opened up once again, my heart was still not in the right place. However, it was at that point where I was also hurting a lot from fleshly needs and desires. My heart was still hardened but I finally decided to confront this conviction once and for all. From the start of training to the day of departure, I was still unsure of how God would use me in such a thing like missions. 

Throughout my time in Taiwan, I experienced so much; the many places and people God showed me was such a blessing. A very big lesson that I learned to accept is that God is a God worth surrendering my life for. Seeing such faithfulness from the locals and missionaries in a secular country made it so clear for me how much God works in us and how joyful following him truly is. It’s still a bit difficult to fully describe the feeling I have for God, but feelings of gratitude for His presence were constant and remain that way. Another thing that I learned was how broken we are as people and how strong sin is in our world. The team and I had the privilege to hear many testimonies from a variety of people. One thing that I caught on from almost all the testimonies was that sin was extremely present and for most, it continues to play an important role in their lives as christians. Additionally, hearing the people express their sins so vividly showed me how much they look to the Lord for guidance and truly believe in being saved daily despite falling short. 

Now coming back home from STSM, I could confidently say that God has been constantly moving in my life and for a long time. Throughout my seasons of unbelief, I always felt God pulling me back to faith but never answering his calls. Being surrounded by similar environments and people again, I’ve developed a new sense of love for God. One that continues to struggle and question but will continue to look towards Christ as the ultimate answer. Additionally this new love has allowed me to have the urge to spread the good news to others who have yet to experience its beauty. I have already been through a few interactions with friends and family who haven’t experienced God yet, and I see how He is working in their hearts. There is still so much to learn and process, but I’m glad to have taken this opportunity that KCM has provided for me.